Tuesday, April 13, 2010

All is ephemeral, both memory and the object of memory...

On February 4th of this year, my grandmother underwent major abdominal surgery to remove a malignant tumor from her right kidney. It was supposed to be a small surgery with five small incisions and one night in the hospital. She came out of the surgery with fifty staples running from her sternum to her pubic bone. She spent two days in the ICU, and one week in the hospital.

My grandmother lives within walking distance of my aunt and uncle, and two of my cousins. None of these people have jobs. None of them would offer a hand to help, so I stayed behind to take care of my paraplegic grandfather, my grandmother, and still care for Ilyssa. I feel like a failure because I couldn't keep the house perfectly clean, and I never got enough sleep, so while there, I ate as a comfort mechanism. Now, I'm thirty pounds heavier and feeling completely unhealthy. I'm making an honest effort at losing weight. I'm drinking nothing but water, trying to eat healthier, even when we go out to eat, and exercising. I'm really hoping it will pay off, and for more motivation, I'm posting weekly updates here.

The problem with all of this is that I have a history with eating disorders. I'm afraid that if I don't see results...well, you understand my concern I'm certain.

While my weight right now would not concern some people, it's not healthy for me. My frame is not meant to carry this extra thirty pounds. I'm having leg cramps, feet swelling, bloat and gas pains, and backaches like crazy. It's time for a change.

As of right now, I'm 155.8 pounds. My chest is measuring 40 inches, my waist around my belly button is 34.5 inches, and my hips are at 39.2 inches. I would like to get down to 37 around the chest, 30 around the waist, and 36 around the hips. I would like to tone my legs and butt, and I'd like to tone my stomach a lot. My true goal isn't so much weight lose as it is toning and getting in shape.

I'm also going to get some of those work out shoes from target. I'll put up a review of those when all is sad and done, and I'm trying to get a cheap jogging stroller.

I love my life, but it's time for a change with me.

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